May 2011
1 post
I HAVE AN ANGRY
My sister needs a doctor who won’t require her to sacrifice her breast feeding relationship to attempt to solve a difficult but non life threatening issue before other solutions have been tried. There is no list of doctors like this. I NEED THAT LIST.
I have anger at the universe today. Just stop, universe. Too much.
April 2011
1 post
The internet is littered with blogs I started at a specific moment in my life, and abandoned once the moment passed.
Of course, just as I’ve moved into a bit of confidence with pregnancy, shit gets shaken up. My sister delivered beautiful and perfect baby Emma very quickly and easily this past Monday night. Emma, though, had her cord wrapped three times around her neck. So she inhaled a...
March 2011
6 posts
And in the vein of pregnancy weirdness, shit is weird y’all. I was so freaking worried about gaining too much weight back and getting fat and ‘losing my body’ (god I hate that term) and on and on. I knew that it would be hard to see my body change when I had put so much effort into changing it the other way. So it is very weird to find that I’m not having that problem. I...
Now I have always been an emotional kind of girl. Up and down and left and right and all over the place. I guess I should have expected that pregnancy would stir that up in weird and new ways.
In fact, I would even prefer the new mother crying along with her week old infant at four in the morning while leaking breastmilk stage, to this.
I am eager to be at the hip mother playing with her precious baby stage. Could that maybe be now?
If you were considering going through a difficult period in your pregnancy while your husband works 80 hours a week silently grieving his job transition, while also personally packing up your first home to move into a rental (that you found and secured) which said husband has informed you is ‘not really the same as living in a home that we own’, and finally while finishing up the most...
While dieting felt great while was doing it, and I’m at the best weight of my adult life, it’s really screwing me over right now. The foods I love and crave are mostly pretty low in calories. I’m used to eating a fairly small amount of food, and while I’m eating more now, there is a limit to how much I can eat before I feel uncomfortably full. I also need a moderate amount...
Also, it is super frustrating to experience the power of a 15 minute walk to fix my intestinal gripes. Since it’s been in the 30s and raining, I hid out this weekend. And suffered. Bad.
I went 27 years without learning about the transformative power of mildew cleaner. I’m so sorry, bathtub. Never again.
NESTING IS HAPPENING
February 2011
12 posts
I recognize that it’s obnoxious to be a pregnant woman talking about how she can’t gain weight, but I can’t gain weight, and I’m worried that it’s becoming a problem. My doctor says it’s fine blah blah I’ve got a little to spare but clearly I’m a nervous first time stressed out pregnant woman.
It’s not the I don’t have any to spare,...
Lately I am feeling a tremendous amount of guilt that I get to be a stay at home mother, and my sister doesn’t. Blah blah my husband works really hard for his salary and for us. But she works just as hard. Guilt guilt guilt.
Bad: went to ER for hideous intestinal cramps. Good: saw baby do a cutesy little flip on ultrasound. Got sent home with some drugs. Cramps still crampy. Drugs making me feel like a zombie.
GETTING LARGE. Merely 28 weeks remain.
Do some people really fold their underwear? Woah. I don’t even match my socks.
For maximum first trimester fun, I suggest making a huge life change - job, sale of your first home, moving to a new city. I would further suggest having a spouse who is an internal processor, while you’re an external one. It also helps if said spouse is very busy at their current job, while you have very little to do. This will make the first trimester enjoyable and exciting for everyone.
So. Yesterday I watched ‘Blue Valentine’, which was terrible. It’s about the sad and angry end of a marriage, although the people in it are so unlikable that I really didn’t feel sad for them at all.
The tragic part is the child involved. The final scene is the father walking away, leaving the mother and child, and this poor child is screaming trying to get back to him....
It is Sleeping All Afternoon time again. Also, I am getting bigger. I guess this is really happening? I still barely believe it.
Unexpected pregnancy symptoms
Unexpected pregnancy symptom #19 - most of my clothing still fits well enough, although I have pulled out some larger stuff that looks great. The problem is my shirts - they still fit, but my breasts are now so large that the fabric stretches so much as to be see through. Weird.
January 2011
28 posts
Of the frustrations of this process so far, having to throw out years of knowledge about how my hunger cues work has been the most frustrating. I spent the last few years really trying to learn these things, and now, it’s like I have to start from scratch. So. Frustrating. This is one of those things that I did not expect.
Several days this week I have undershot my calorie limit, sometimes significantly. And I, used to a couple of years of successful dieting, thought, Oh, good for you, you little calorie counter. FALSE. Not only have I lost weight this week, but I woke up today with my very first case of morning-sickness-actually-in-the-morning. So stupid! And so preventable!
Breastfeeding wars blah blah →
This article is kind of meh, and I don’t really agree with some of what the woman says. The comments, however, are awesome.
I think many women don’t breastfeed in America because we have such fraught relationships with our bodies. I’ve heard many, many times women talk about how they find it rather disgusting. Our culture accepts lots of hot tits; their spread over every...
So, I had my first ultrasound. Blobby, greyscale, perfect. My doctor does this first one, and then a single anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks, unless more are warranted. Brad and I all about information, so I’d happily have 10 if he thought it justified.
Since Brad and I are both young, and since we don’t fall into any risk groups, we were not offered any genetic screening, any...
One stupendous, perfect, fantastic little baby. Perfect size, perfect heartbeat, perfectly blobby and low resolution. I’m slightly disappointed that it isn’t twins because, you know, more babies. But mostly I’m just thrilled to freaking death.
Just over 5 hours until I leave to pick Brad up for my first ultrasound appointment. I could a) do something productive - clean, study, read an interesting book. Maybe b) take the dogs on a nice long walk, visit to the dog park, etc. Or c) sit here reading the news, while jittering nervously about the bad outcomes that are possible.
I think the choice is clear.
Here’s an impossible request: a house or duplex, with a fenced yard, within biking distance (80 blocks or less) of downtown Portland, that will take our two large dogs, for $900 a month. This is giving me hives.
Maybe someone will just buy our house for slightly more than it’s worth, and then we won’t have to save up a new down payment. Excuse me while I die of laughter.
And here comes the crying-at-everything. Yikes.
HORMONES RAGING OUT OF CONTROL. Feel like a teenage girl.
I eat very little dietary fiber. This is apparently very bad.
edit: Super really bad.
And you know what else in infuriating? Brad and I have been kicking around ideas for nursery decorations. One idea is a space themed nursery. Stars on the ceiling, blue walls, very nerdy. So I’m googling along, looking for inspiration, with the search term ‘space themed nursery’. Do you know what I find, every freaking time?? ‘Boys Space Themed Nursery Ideas!’...
Tomorrow morning is my first prenatal appointment. I am excited to death/terrified.
There is a job interview. In Portland. This is the scariest thing of any thing. I would love to live in Portland, for every reason except for the not living next door to my mother one. Since my sister got pregnant, and now me, she’s turned into Baby Expert Extraordinaire, and the thought of leaving that is sort of more than I can face.
We’ve already decided that if it’s twins,...
In my ongoing quest to become a hip person who finds awesome clothing at thrift stores, I just thrifted a beautiful black cotton maternity dress for practically nothing. Please please let it still fit when I am large.
I am looking at this list of things that I MUST! HAVE! for my BRAND NEW BABY! and boy is it scary. If I bought everything on this list, I would be a) broke, and b) overrun with plastic junk. Do I really need a gym and a bouncer and a swing and a cradle and a pack and play and a tummy time mat? I feel like no.
Required, however, will be a door bouncer. Brad just saw this video of two babies...
Morning sickness.!
Here is an interesting thing: I am normally subject to three or four mild-moderate headaches a week. This is a huge improvement over the 5-7 moderate-severe headaches I used to get, so it isn’t really a problem. I just noticed, the other day, that I hadn’t had a single headache since finding myself pregnant. That night, of course, I was struck nearly blind by a terrible one, but still....
the preciousness imperative
littlebeans:
Some of my pregnant Tumblr friends have reminded me that a lot of the on-line commentary and material aimed at pregnant ladies is infected with the preciousness imperative. Women are pressured to think of pregnancy as a time of uninterrupted magic. This is not fair to anyone. Read More
I have been feeling guilty for the lack of Overwhelming Joy I’ve been experiencing....
Ok, that’s several griping posts in a row. Babies are great! Rainbows are also neat! Other things are awesome!
Is there some super secret method to dealing with this exhaustion? Does it involve yelling at the dog for licking you while you’re trying to nap, and then taking him to the dog park because you feel like such a criminal? Does it involve crying over lunch?
Since getting knocked up, all the cravings for fatty/greasy/junky food that I spent years taming have returned with full force. What is that about? I haven’t eaten a cheeto in over a decade, but I’d pretty much kill for one right now. Eating a healthy amount and variety of food has become this massive daily struggle.
And what is with my total plummeting self image? While I was...
The pill and fertility →
This article has irritating ‘silly woman, forgot to get pregnant in her 20s’ overtones, but also interesting musings about the pill, and how it can effect fertility.
Awesome thing about being pregnant #46 - the ability to listen to Arcade Fire’s ‘City With No Children In It’ without totally sobbing.
Out of Context Science →
Did you by any chance need some industrial strength grease? I have plenty for you in my hair.
December 2010
27 posts
Today I do not feel well and I would like some cheese with my whine.
Lesson learned - I now need 12 hours of sleep per night. If I skimp on my evening nap, this just means that I’m going to sleep until 11. Which will be harder when winter break is over.